Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Pirate Movies, Flogging, and C**s*ots

I have a couple things I want to talk about before I head out to take an exam. The friends post was a little short and had no 'meat' to it like this one.

First: So in my BoM class last time we talked about The Passion of the Christ, which was an okay movie. Of course, it's rated R and that means Mormons will generally avoid it on that pretense alone. Very much so here at BYU. I think it's overcompensation on the students parts cause most of us want to see 'exciting' new movies and plenty of people watch rated R films all the time. Such as myself.

Anyway, Mr. Stiggley said he hadn't seen it but he knows of someone who had [gasp] and that the person regretted viewing the film. Mr. Regrettable said that whenever he thinks of the Atonement (Mormon for Jesus suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross) he now thinks about the movie. And he wishes he didn't because the movie was so graphic and brutal. He said he wished he could picture his own version of the crucifixion or at least go back to what he pictured it as when he was a kid.

Am I the only person who thinks this sounds backwards?! I wrote the story down cause I thought it sounded so backwards. I am open to there being an actual Jesus who was crucified. I think it's more than possible, but that most of the things he is purported to have said probably we're attributed to him years later by followers. However, assuming he was crucified, what's wrong with knowing what a crucifixion is like? I mean, it's horrible, it's brutal, it is graphic. You're flogging a person, and bashing nails through his wrists and feet. I really don't give a damn if people who saw it wish they hadn't, good, now they have a better idea of what it is and can't get it out of their head.

'Go back to my own version' pff, yup, just lie to yourself. The actual crucifixion just drives the spirit away, oh nos. Naive at its best.

Okay, I'm about to get dirty here, so pure minds stay away (doesn't that make you want to read on even more?) That is literally my Adult Content Warning peeps.
This is something I began having troubles with in high school. It took a couple years before my mind noticed it and since then it has never gone away, even on the mission I would still have problems with this, trying not to think about it, trying not to laugh, trying not to picture something gross.

Jesus, "Come unto me, all ye that labor."

By the time I got into high school I was well aware of how to have sex, in several ways, and about the sexual slang of my generation. Over the next couple years I learned about all shorts of fun and perverse things to do. Course it wouldn't be till late in my high school career before I would get hands-on experience (lot's of association with shame and guilt and talking with my bishop and mission president later in life).

Jesus, "If any man will come after me ...."

By 16 or 17 I was reading scriptures, or in church, or just thinking, when something clicked on in my head and hasn't been shut off since. I had, by then, realized that 'come' could also be written as 'cum' and mean something different, but sound the same. And then Jesus said "Come unto me" and this horrible picture went off in my head. Traumatizing I'm sure, but after that I couldn't get rid of the idea. I could picture Jesus saying this to his disciples, and then all of them nervously glancing at each other as they start undoing their belts. Lol. Ugh! And then I was stuck with this through all the sacrament meetings, which wasn't bad if it was some hot girl quoting the scriptures, though the physics are a little different.

Jesus, "Suffer the little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me, for such is heaven :-D" (paraphrased a little)(inspiration for priests?)

Needless to say this perverse idea has been stuck in my head ever since. Probably pushed along by things such as L Word, season 1, where a porno was made with Jesus screwing Mary. Disturbed me then, still a little now, but now I find it slightly humorous. BTW, the movie 'My Summer of Love' (strangely another lesbian film) does the same thing with a guy trying to seduce a girl through sexual innuendo scriptures, lol.

I really hope that someone reads this and says "Hey! I've thought that too! I'm not the only dirty person!" And if you've read this far, I hope you never hear these verses or words the same, ever again. Cause if you read this far, you deserve it.

ps: if you don't get the pirate movies it's a joke - did you see that new pirate movie? - no, it's rated arrrr!

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