Agnosticism

I apologize for not putting much work in this. Lately I've been anti-social, but it doesn't mean I don't have things to say or talk about ... who doesn't?

As such, today some of us had lunch again on campus and some guy came through asking us to go to something but was bearing his testimony and talking about the BoM. It was funny. One kid was like "that was the best thing that's happened to me all day." The guy just sat down, with the mini-fliers in his hand so we knew what was up. But then the first he says after apologizing for interrupting us (to which I said we were 'just' talking blacks and racism) is "do you guys like the BoM?"

Awkward! Lol, so great though. He just happens to do this with a table of heathens. We all looked around at each, some laughing nervously, and I'm like "It's a funny book!" Regardless he was talking about a Polynesian and Native American dance show at the De Jong and I'm sure it's good. And I'm glad he feels he can bear his testimony of the BoM through dance ... which I wonder if everything is up for grabs to use as a tool for bearing your testimony. I'm betting so.

Lately I've been thinking about agnosticism more again. I still find myself trying to be concrete and to try to find 'sure answers' to things. I use to think there is a best choice out there for all choices at a given moment, and maybe there still is, but no longer in a 'grand scheme' kind of way. I also feel dubious that, right now, atheism is a big part of my religious preference. I think it's a big part of who I am still, and that could change, but I feel like agnosticism may be the path I'm going down. So maybe I should flip my self-proclaimed stance to atheistic agnostic? Lol.

I still don't see the worth in being true agnostic though, and I don't fit it anyways. I don't believe there is a God, so I am an atheist, and I won't say I know, so I am agnostic. But I think life has no real answers, or has so many it is inconceivable. I feel I've been in flux lately again and I think the better philosophical attitude and steps to take in life is to admit a level of doubt with even the 'sure' answers. I want truth but I think making that a big focus of my life is only going lead to an eventual disenchantment. As to say, I think I'm 'enchanting' my worldview with making the 'truth' of things so important. And now I think the 'truth' of truth is that it doesn't always matter, certainly in the case of individuals.

When putting yourself as the most important thing in your life or existence (where other things are necessarily but not most important) I think happiness probably is second. Truth probably third, if I must continue a hierarchy of values and virtues. I think everyone wants to be happy most of all, or to emulate the feelings of happiness through other means (such as depressed people feeling content where they are) and I think the truth of that is that sometimes lies work, and sometimes are the 'best' choice.

Can I say that the 'villain' from Watchmen is kind of a hero in my eyes. I think I'm becoming more and more pragmatic and utilitarian.